Respectful Relationships workshop
By Judith Pembleton, Queensland Regional Meeting.
As a relatively new concept, promoting and protecting Respectful Relationships (RR) is still a mysterious process for many Australian Friends. In March, representatives from each regional meeting, together with the Yearly Meeting Presiding Clerk and Secretary, met for a weekend workshop in Melbourne to build common understandings.
At the beginning of the weekend, each participant shared their hopes for the weekend, and it was pleasing to see all these hopes ‘ticked’ by the end. Robin McLean of Tasmania RM, and Ronis Chapman, facilitated the workshop. They are revising the Respectful Relationships Guidelines and Manual based on feedback from the two RR workshop held so far. Being able to go through the Manual and Guidelines in detail helped build Contact Friends’ confidence to go back home and share the vision of making our Meetings safe places for all who come.
During the weekend, the participants shared some of the misunderstandings Friends have about the role of the RR contact persons, including thinking it was only about sexual misconduct, or about marital relationship breakdowns. Part of the educative role of Contact Friends is to write articles and to visit Meetings. To promote this process, they hope soon to have posters and a pamphlet based
on Britain Yearly Meeting’s Respectful Relationships but adapted for Australian conditions. There is also a publication The Wounded Meeting produced by Friends General Conference in the USA with many practical examples and stories about how they were resolved.
The role of RR Contact Friends is to provide a first contact for those who feel they have been treated disrespectfully, or who are aware of disrespectful behaviour in a Meeting. Their aim is to prevent further conflict and to help all parties in a difficult situation to continue in the Meeting. Contact Friends are neither advocates nor counsellors; they are listeners who hope to empower Friends to deal with issues themselves.
They do this by listening sympathetically but being respectful of all parties, speaking always as we would if the ‘other person’ was in the room with us. Contact Friends can offer a variety of options drawn from Quaker practice or from common sense.
Options might include to do nothing (speaking about the problem might bring fresh insight); to journal the issue and consider; to consider who in the Meeting could help (Elders, Overseers, Clerk, a Clearness Committee, or appropriate others); or to develop a ‘message’ that may
be written or spoken to the Friend when next they see them.
In discussing these options, the Contact Friend aims to help the person who has come to them to make the choice that feels comfortable to them. They can help the Friend to answer: What do we need to put in place in order to do this?
Our discussions also faced the question ‘How do we know we are doing a good job as RR Contact Friends?’ One way to find out is to keep statistics on the number of reports, types of reports (bullying,
sexual harrassment, misunderstanding, or whatever), the gender of the person who approached the Contact Friend, or possibly whether or not it concerns a relatively new Friend.
The contact persons (ideally, a man and a woman in each Regional Meeting) make up a Yearly Meeting Committee. The co-convenors are David Barry and Judith Pembleton. Robin and Ronis, as our experts in this field, are seconded members.
The Committee will aim to come together three times a year — once at a
workshop to continue the education and sharing; and through teleconferences. Contact Friends may also ‘buddy’ with someone in their own or other States to support each other through tricky issues.
The updated Guidelines and Manual will be placed on the website. The
Guidelines are for all Friends, and the Manual is to help RR Contact Friends put the Guidelines into practice.
They do this by listening sympathetically but being respectful of all parties, speaking always as we would if the ‘other person’ was in the room with us. Contact Friends can offer a variety of options drawn from Quaker practice or from common sense.
Options might include to do nothing (speaking about the problem might bring fresh insight); to journal the issue and consider; to consider who in the Meeting could help (Elders, Overseers, Clerk, a Clearness Committee, or appropriate others); or to develop a ‘message’ that may
be written or spoken to the Friend when next they see them.
In discussing these options, the Contact Friend aims to help the person who has come to them to make the choice that feels comfortable to them. They can help the Friend to answer: What do we need to put in place in order to do this?
Our discussions also faced the question ‘How do we know we are doing a good job as RR Contact Friends?’ One way to find out is to keep statistics on the number of reports, types of reports (bullying, sexual harrassment, misunderstanding, or whatever), the gender of the person who approached the Contact Friend, or possibly whether or not it concerns a relatively new Friend.
The contact persons (ideally, a man and a woman in each Regional Meeting) make up a Yearly Meeting Committee. The co-convenors are David Barry and Judith Pembleton. Robin and Ronis, as our experts in this field, are seconded members.
The Committee will aim to come together three times a year — once at a
workshop to continue the education and sharing; and through teleconferences. Contact Friends may also ‘buddy’ with someone in their own or other States to support each other through tricky issues.
The updated Guidelines and Manual will be placed on the website. The Guidelines are for all Friends, and the Manual is to help RR Contact Friends put the Guidelines into practice.
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