I was woken by voices in the distance.  Calm voices but insistent.  I got up and went to my window.  So did my cat!  We both wondered what was going on.  The voices said the same sort of thing: “just come down, come down, it’s all okay, just come down.”  I opened my front door and peered down to the left and saw the silently flashing lights of the ambulance.  The ambos were here again for my neighbour, Tony, who was on the roof of his garage threatening to jump. 

Tony is a really nice guy.  He is from Eastern Europe, I think with a good command of the English language.  He has a pleasant, easy- going nature but always seems a bit sad…  He is also a hoarder and recently has started to store furniture and other goods on his front veranda.  We say hello to each other on the way in and out of our community property (I live in a block of twenty- one units).

I like Tony.  He is gentle and kind too, I suspect.  But fairly often he gets drunk, becomes morose and rings triple zero threatening suicide.

My neighbours are fairly blasé about it.  “Oh it’s Tony again threatening to do himself in.”  You become used to anything if it is done often enough.  But Tony was crying out for help.

One of my neighbours said he had a broken marriage and was no longer permitted to see his children because of his drinking.  This is all hearsay but could well be true.  It is such a pity because this man, except for his drinking, would make such a good dad.  

I formed a small connection with him.  I left a freshly cooked muffin on his front veranda next to his front door with a note to say that I was thinking of him.  He thanked me a few days later.

I had a Christmas gathering for my neighbours in my driveway.  All my neighbours were invited.  There were about five of us present when Tony showed up with a small gift of food in his hands.  He was also in his pyjamas.  I invited him to come and sit down and be part of the small celebration but he refused.  I shook his hand, accepted his gift and wished him ‘Happy Christmas’.

I worried about Tony.  I could see his goodness.  I could also see his unease and his suffering.  I decided to pray for him.

I imagine Tony in a big sphere of loving, white light.  The white light comes from God through me.  I see this white light penetrating Tony and completely enveloping him.  I sometimes call on my Angels to join with Tony’s Angels to offer solace, comfort and companionship to him.

I made a commitment to pray for him every day for three weeks and that is exactly what I did and then (I thought) a sort of miracle occurred.  Tony started to leave his home with a small pack sack and go for a walk in our local park each day.  I was so pleased!  It felt like he was beginning to heal.  This was what I was hoping and praying for. 

Then I wondered if my prayer work was in part responsible for Tony’s wonderful change.  Could it be?  I became quite chuffed with myself.  Not exactly proud but something fairly close to it.  I felt powerful.  Although the whole time there was a little voice which said, very quietly “I don’t think it is that simple.”  But I ignored the voice and kept enjoying the power and generally feeling pleased with myself and the world in general.

Then, Tony stopped going for walks, the drinking began again and the ambulances started visiting.  I was so sad for Tony.  I also felt disappointed in myself.  Did I really think I could fix this man with a daily prayer for twenty- one days when it has taken him a lifetime to reach this point in his life?

I was out the front, sweeping when I saw Tony walking by.  He stopped.  I smiled and said hello.  He opened up his arms in the universal gesture of welcoming a hug.  I didn’t hesitate.  I stepped forward and held him.  I turned my head so that my ear was close to his heart.  We stood that way for a few seconds.  I could smell the alcohol on his breath.  Our hug was a comfort for both of us.  And then I said: “Please take care of yourself, Tony!”  It wasn’t the words I said, it was the way I said it.  I said it as an admonishment.  I might as well have waggled my finger.  I knew that the hug came from God and I knew that the words were mine and instead of keeping that portal to God open, my words shut it down.  I watched Tony’s face crumple, as mine did a few seconds later.

I still see Tony around and we speak from time to time.  He still phones for the ambulance but a little less frequently, I think.  I still pray for Tony but I no longer think my prayers will save him. 

He is a good, gentle, kind and sensitive man and God knows, our world needs more like him.

I pray he will become stronger and believe in his own goodness and choose to live.